How Men Really Feel About Sex

 

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Over my career as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity to sit with thousands of men as they discuss their sexual feelings, sex lives, and fantasies. Obviously I don’t know what it feels like to be a man, but I have had the honor of listening to the male perspective of sexual relationships. And while every man is different, of course, there are some common themes:

1. Sex begins in the body. While women’s desire for sex may be prompted by their mind, memory, or emotional feelings of connection, for men, desire is physical. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. It is hard to overestimate the way his body chemistry directs his mind’s psychology toward the sexual.

2. For men, sex is a hunger. Steak and potatoes — yes, he wants to be full. But the craving for sex is like a craving for chocolates. Each sexual episode holds the exquisite possibility of a surprise-filled confection — maybe creamy smooth, or buttery rich, perhaps a little raw and bitter sweet, or silky sweet. His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised. A day is hardly complete without dessert. Yet, the context of the relationship, for instance, a fight with his wife, can spoil his appetite.

3. Sex is energy. Sexuality infuses a man’s intimate relationships with potential and excitement. The hormonal energy gives him the drive and aggression to pursue his life’s purpose and work, and to pursue his partner. He pushes through daily monotony, tantalized by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day.

4. Sex is excitement. It’s life most thrilling adventure. His body is a great pleasure machine that he’d like to enjoy at full throttle. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms seem to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate his gratification. Every flirtation, smile, innuendo, shapely figure, or sexual image, whether fantasized or real, is a hit on the male brain. His brainwaves spike with elation just at the hint of something or someone reminding him of sex.

5. Sex is the way he gives love. The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. It’s baffling to men when they are called selfish because of their preference for sexual connection. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover.

6. Sex is love. Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home. After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing and support. While he may be accused of “only wanting sex,” most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.

While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men, sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability. Ultimately, male sexual drive in a relationship is a gift — it’s another path toward love.

Source:-psychology today

10 Research-Based Truths About People in Love

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Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit—Khalil Gibran

 Love is one of the most important, yet most misunderstood emotions we experience. Human brains are naturally wired for connection with others, and we experience loneliness and rejection as painful threats to survival. For both biological and cultural reasons, many of us believe we need a lasting love relationship to be truly fulfilled. Yet, in reality, love is not necessarily a lasting, unchanging state. Long-time love is not automatic, but takes hard work, unselfishness, and a willingness to be vulnerable.

 Below are 10 science-based facts to help you understand what love really is—and isn’t:

1. Love is different than passion or lust.

Physical attraction is an important part of love for most of us, but emotional love is different than lust. This is why one-night stands and alcohol-fueled hookups don’t tend to lead to long-term relationships. Studies that scan brains in real time show that we manifest lust in the motivation/reward areas of the brains, while love lights up the regions connected to caring and empathy.

2. Love is both a momentary feeling and a long-term state of mind.

There's something to the cliché of two hearts beating together as one: New research shows that we do experience love in the moment as a state of communion. In this moment of deep connection, people in love mirror each other’s facial expressions, gestures, and even physiological rhythms. But love can also be a lasting mental and emotional state in which we care deeply for each other's wellbeing, feel moved by each other's pain and motivated to help relieve each other's suffering.

3. Building lasting relationships takes work.

A meta-analysis of the best long-term studies of loving relationships highlight some behavior patterns that couples with lasting love share: Partners think of each other positively when they are not together; they support each other’s personal growth and development; and they undertake shared experiences in which they can learn and expand themselves.

4. We can increase our capacity to love.

Research on mindfulness and self-compassion show that practicing these strategies regularly can develop our brains to be more positive and empathetic in a matter of months. Monks who regularly practice compassion meditation have a different rhythm of brain alpha waves than beginning meditation adherents, or the average non-meditating person. Mindfulness and compassion meditations increase activity in brain centers connected with empathy and positive emotions, decrease activation of our fear centers, and make our brains more interconnected—a trait associated with the secure attachment pattern.

5. It's not just in your head.

A large body of research shows that loving connection is beneficial to long-term physical health—and loneliness and a lack of social connection have been shown to shorten our lifespans as much as smoking. (Just being a member of a church, synagogue, or community group lessens this effect.) For men in particular, marriage improves long-term health—and the death of a spouse is a risk factor for earlier death. We don’t know if this is because wives encourage their spouses to take care of their health, or if it's directly related to their emotional and physical connection.

6. If we focus on love, we can enhance it.

When we deliberately focus our attention on our feelings and actions toward a loved one, we begin a positive reciprocal spiral of mutual appreciation and happiness. Let’s face it: We all want to be thought about, cared for, and appreciated. Research also shows that expressing gratitude in words or actions actually creates positive emotions in the giver as well as the receiver.

7. It is not a fixed quantity.

Loving one person, even a lot, does not mean you have less to give to others. In fact, the opposite is true: Love is a capacity you can build within yourself through mental concentration, emotional engagement, and caring actions. When we focus on and savor our loving feelings for one person, the internal feelings of satisfaction and connection we experience can motivate us to be more loving in general.

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8. It is not unconditional.

One of the preconditions for loving feelings is a sense of safety and trust. In order to connect lovingly and empathically, your prefrontal cortex has to send a signal to the amygdala (the brain’s alarm center) to switch off your automatic “fight or flight” response. People who endured childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, or other experiences that threaten secure attachment may have a harder time switching off the “fight-flight-freeze” system—or feeling safe enough to love. This reticence can be overcome with therapy or, sometimes, by a partner who repeatedly demonstrates trustworthiness and care. (However, if your repeated expressions of care are not reciprocated by any heart-softening in your partner, it could be time to consider moving on.)

9. It is contagious.

Expressions of caring, compassion, and empathy can inspire these feelings in others. This may be why leaders such as the Dalai Lama or Nelson Mandela inspire followers to be their best selves—and help them calm down “fight or flight.”

10. Love is not necessarily forever, but it can be.

In Sonnet 116, Shakespeare wrote that “Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.” We now know that fixed, unchanging love is possible, but not the norm. In fact, some theorists even question the idea of a fixed, unchanging “self"—we are not the same person today as we were 10 years ago. Life experience can alter our biology, thought patterns, and behavior, and relationships may be challenged when one person’s needs change or both partners grow in different directions. That being said, researcher Art Aron and colleagues at Stony Brook University have shown that, when thinking about their partners, the brain scans of a minority of people reporting long-term, intense love for their partners look the same as do the scans of individuals who report being newly in love.

Source:-psychology today

The Growing Acceptance Of Yoga Therapy In Western Medicine

Until recently, the integration of yoga therapy into the various healthcare systems throughout the world has had its challenges. Over recent years, however, there have been encouraging signs that yoga therapy is not only entering the public consciousness but is being prescribed by an increasing number of western doctors.

What is Yoga Therapy?

The modern term ‘Yoga therapy’ was first introduced by Swami Kuvalyananda in the 1920s. The simple premise was that specific yoga practices could be used to help alleviate or improve a variety of mental and physical ailments.

It differs from the yoga that many of us have become accustomed to, by firstly providing a safer, gentler form of treatment. It’s suitable for people of all ages, and for a variety of conditions. For example there are specific postures for lower back pain, gentle techniques for regulating the nervous system of those suffering from PTSD, and strengthening exercises for herniated discs.

Secondly, just as each person is unique, Yoga therapy considers the specific health needs of the patient, using a combination of yoga practices and medical science to find the best form of preventative or curative treatment. This could be to address physical conditions, or to improve the mental health of those living with depression, anxiety or stress related conditions.

While the health benefits of yoga have been known to many for years, here in the West, yoga has only recently become a component of medical care, a combination of education and scientific research being used to help bridge the gap between eastern and western philosophies. 

East vs. West

Traditional western medicine, for all its great achievements, has historically focused on treating conditions through the prescription of pharmaceuticals or surgery. A patient, for example, with stomach pains could be asked a series of questions in order to determine the nature and source of the pain, and could then be prescribed a series of drugs to help treat the problem.

Ultimately, there’s nothing unique that distinguishes the patient from anyone else suffering from the same medical complaint. Eastern medicine, by contrast, looks at the patient as an individual, attempting to discover as many sources for the pain as possible by understanding the physiological circumstances surrounding it.

Does it get worse with cold? Is the pain relieved with heat? What are the dietary habits of the patient etc.? The important distinction is that all this information is used to make a diagnosis that’s unique to the individual. These differences have prompted many to debate which approach is best. But both are equally important, and both have their place in modern medicine. 

The Integration of Yoga Therapy

In 1955, the first communist leader of China, Chairman Mao Zedong, proposed that eastern medicine should be combined with western techniques, recognizing that both had their various virtues. Over time, university courses were amended to include the teachings from both cultures, traditional medicinal herbs were synthesized using western techniques, and the prevalence of western culture throughout China, for example, helped to ease the path for new, western ideas.

With the various results of this dual approach published in scientific journals, the integration of western practices had both credibility and provided tangible results.

Going the other way, things were a little more difficult. Firstly, eastern cultures haven’t historically been as integrated into western society as those of west into east, making the acceptance of any new ideas more challenging. The second was a general lack of scientific research on the effectiveness of eastern medicine that was either translated, or accepted as credible data.

Historically, the overwhelming majority of the scientific research into yoga took place in India. Most of this research was difficult or impossible to get a hold of in the west, which is part of the reason why most Western physicians had never heard of yoga therapy. However it’s in this area that has seen significant development, and there has been a wealth of scientific research over recent years that have helped, in part, to shape the opinions and techniques used by western doctors. 

Changing Attitudes

Prior to the discovery of antibiotics, the biggest threat to human health was infectious diseases. Today, however, many of the diseases we face can be attributed to poor lifestyle habits. Being connected 24/7, demands from work, childcare, mortgages, pensions, smoking, alcohol and everything in between is having a devastating effect on our physical and mental health.

From depression to anxiety, gastrointestinal problems, cardiovascular health, asthma, and insomnia; the list is almost endless. Faced with these challenges, and often combined with budget cuts, challenges in recruitment and caring for an ageing population, the effectiveness of yoga has become an attractive proposition for western doctors, both economically and for improving the health and well-being of patients.

As a non-invasive, cost-effective, easy to use solution, yoga therapy is now viewed as a clinically viable treatment that can help address these important issues.

As a result:

• Health services that include the NHS in the UK and the NIH in the US already recommend yoga for various health conditions.
• In Sweden, Yoga has been part of the health services since 2010, and more than 150 hospitals, primary care and specialist clinics use yoga programs to treat a wide range of diagnoses.
• A large study at Harvard that followed 17,000 people over a year found that those who practiced disciplines like yoga decreased healthcare costs by as much as $2434 per person per annum.
• Boston Medical Center has been successful in getting health insurance to cover the cost of yoga for those suffering with chronic conditions.
• In 2015, the Canadian Agency for Drugs ad Technologies in Health conducted a review advocating the use of yoga to help treat PTSD, anxiety and addiction.

With epidemic levels of stress, anxiety and depression placing an ever-increasing strain on health services, western doctors and health care practitioners are increasingly using yoga as an effective form of treatment. But importantly, it’s also giving patients the knowledge and tools to promote their own self-care, a step towards encouraging and empowering people to promote their own health and well-being. This post was written by The Minded Institute, a world leader in the development and implementation of yoga therapy and mindfulness programs for those with mental health and chronic physical health problems.

 Source:-sivanaspirit

 

The Body Will Give You These 8 Signs If Your Kidney Is In Danger

 

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The kidneys are vital organs in the human body, located under the rib cage, and are responsible for detoxification and cleaning of the system, as they filter 10-150 quarts blood on a daily basis.

Their function is extremely important for the entire body and the blood.

They remove the excess amounts of waste and fluids from the body, support the health of the bones, balance the electrolytes, stabilize the blood pressure, and increase the number of red blood cells.

Therefore, if their function is somehow endangered, the entire body is at great risk, so you should know how to recognize the symptoms and thus prevent major issues, as kidney damage or failure:

Changes in the urine

• The most common and early symptoms include:
• Foamy urine
• Dark urine, less frequent urinating and urinating in small amounts
• Urges to urinate during the night
• Pressure during urinating
• Trouble urinating
• Pale color, frequent urination, and in large amounts

Swellings

In the case of a weakened function of the kidneys, the fail to eliminate excess fluids from the body and thus lead to swellings and bloating of the face, limbs, and joints.

Shortness of Breath

This sign may often be associated with kidney damage. The reduced number of red blood cells, due to the accumulated toxins in the lungs, reduces the amount of oxygen in the body.

Skin rashes

Kidney failure may lead to accumulation of waste, and thus to itching and skin rashes. As waste is build up in the blood, the skin looks irritated, dry, and unhealthy. These issues cannot be easily solved with the use of creams and lotions, since the root problem is internal, due to the problems linked to your

Metallic taste in the mouth

The waste buildup in the blood alters the taste of foods and leads to bad breath. Poor appetite and severe change in some foods indicate kidney damage.

Bad Concentration And Dizziness

Kidney failure, as well as severe anemia, lead to a poor flow of oxygen to the brain, and this ends up in memory problems, poor concentration, dizziness, and light-headedness.

Pain

The pain felt in the area of the kidneys indicates kidney stones or infections of the urinary tract.

Fatigue

Healthy kidneys produce a hormone known as EPO (erythropoietin), which increases the number of red 

blood cells, which carry the needed oxygen. If the number of red blood cells is decreased, it leads to fatigue, and brain and muscles problems. These signs may also be attributed to severe anemia.

Hence, you need to consume healthy foods, foods high in antioxidants, as well as supplements, in order to support the function of the kidneys, and thus take care of the overall health. 

Source:-healthyfoodhouse

5 Spiritual Benefits Of Sleeping Naked

 
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Sleeping naked isn’t just sexy and fun, it actually has spiritual benefits too!

1. You sleep better.

This may not seem like a spiritual benefit, but it’s important for your soul to get enough sleep. Sleeping naked has been clinically shown to help you sleep better.

Between the hours of 1 and 4am in particular, our subconscious connects with the spirit world. Definitely make sure you’re sleeping during those hours and always get yourself 7-8 hours. More if you’re a teen. 

2. Your melatonin balances out.

Melatonin is naturally produced by your pineal gland. When you sleep in clothes, your body gets overheated. Generally, keeping your sleep environment around 70 degrees F, melatonin is produced more efficiently.

3. Your cortisol levels balance out.

Sleeping naked helps regulate your body temperature which also serves to regulate your cortisol levels. When the chemical is out of balance, it leads to anxiety, weight gain, and other issues. This can lead away from a healthy, spiritual lifestyle

4. Skin on skin contact.

If you have a significant other, sleeping naked can charge your spiritual sexual energy. Skin on skin contact also releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which reduces stress, boosts arousal, and reduces drug cravings. It can also help you get to sleep. 

5. Your sacral chakra balances.

Your sacral chakra determines how well you interact with others, how you feel about yourself, how you express yourself creatively, and is directly tied to your throat chakra.

Your throat chakra relates to your higher self. The sacral chakra being healthy is critical to the throat chakra being healthy and vice versa. Balance there is important.

Source:-higherperspective

5 Practical Ways To Calm An Overthinking Mind

 

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Most of us consider ourselves to be ‘positive people.’ Or, at least, we try to be as often as we can. Sometimes though, our thoughts get the better of us.

Thinking about a problem can cause an overabundance of other thoughts to follow, causing an endless spiral of overthinking. Our thoughts have power- if you think too much about something, it can cause unnecessary stress and even make you feel like you are losing your mind.

“The more you overthink the less you will understand.” – Habeeb Akande

That quote holds a lot of truth. How many times have you not been thinking about something, when suddenly, out of nowhere, the answer comes to you?

It happens to me all the time. When we think about something that happened, and we try to analyze it, we sometimes create problems that weren’t even there in the first place.

Overthinking can cause serious problems in your relationships and with your mental health. Here are 5  ways to calm an overthinking mind:

1. Don’t blame yourself.

A common pattern with overthinkers is that they tend to blame themselves when things go wrong. They observe a situation and pick it apart, trying to find what they could have done differently.

You need to remember to let blame go. Things happen as they happen and if you didn’t intentionally do something wrong, then you can’t blame yourself. Life gets complicated sometimes, but there is no reason to continuously blame yourself for those complications.




2. Accept change as a part of life.

Change is inevitable. You can’t control every aspect of your life, and trying to will only cause more frustration. Some things you can control, and so you should work on them as you please.

But some things will always be out of your grasp and worrying about them is pointless.

Buddha once said, “If you have a problem that can be fixed, then there is no use in worrying. If you have a problem that cannot be fixed, then there is no use in worrying.”

3. Leave “what if” alone.

“What if” is a powerful tool for the overthinking mind. It can take you down paths you never would have journeyed before. This is exactly why you should leave it alone.

Possibilities are great to consider, but not when they lead you to a world with only negative aspects. Focus more on the present, and not what could have been, or what might be.




4. Meditate.

I know, I know, meditation is the most difficult thing for someone who is constantly in their head. That being said, I believe there is a way around the issue of ‘not being able to silence the mind.’

As an overthinker myself, I have found that using mantras during meditation, combined with relaxed breathing, improved my meditative state and allowed for more clarity. “Om Mani Padme Hum” is a personal favourite.

Buddhist Lama, Kalu Rinpoche once said, “Through mantra, we no longer cling to the reality of the speech and sound encountered in life, but experience it as essentially empty. Then confusion of the speech aspect of our being is transformed into enlightened awareness.”

5. Be patient with yourself.

Our self-talk is very powerful. Don’t be hard on yourself when you catch your mind engaging 5th gear. Decelerate, breathe, and focus. Be patient with your progress and speak to yourself with kind, supportive words. Overthinking took time to develop and it will take time to unlearn.

By Raven Fon

 
Source:-thespiritscience.net